back to the start

I started new blogs using blogger and revamped my Youtube. I’m going to get over my fear and start doing videos. my crps has spread like a cancer; my arm is slowly getting worse. i’m not getting any better. its been 2 years since my arm went through a glass window, severing my ulnar and meridian nerve. I’ve been trying to find my way.

Please consider donating, a little goes a long way. Right now I have money saved up for another month. i need a car. I am not on unemployment because the government gave me too much and now I owe them. My apartment is full of books to resell, so i’m slowly getting money back from my investments.

https://ko-fi.com/samanthadarling

I’m needing a car. I’ve been walking everywhere – when i haul books i carry pounds on my own to my apartment, like Templeton in Charlottes Web going into his hole with junk.

I can’t get a job because of my mental health or my CRPS. I lost my health insurance when i lost my job and online, i couldn’t figure out how to apply for medicare. on healthcare.gov, it only gave me options to purchase a health care plan i can’t afford.

I make all my friends uncomfortable. im actually not sure if they are my friends – im convinced that my best friend, who claims her now ex husband is a narcissist, is in fact the narcissist herself. my IRL friend wanted me to come babysit since she thought it would help me with my trauma and also because i owed her from all the times she took me to the hospital. i was tricked to coming out to make dinner with them – they knew that if it looked like i could help, i would come. and i did.. she told me we would go to the thrift store and instead we stayed at her house and she never brought up the thrift store again, which also made me feel socially anxious. its out of concern, but i can’t help but feel lied to and manipulated – my best friend love bombs me because she secretly believes i’ll kill myself if i constantly wasn’t told by someone they loved me and missed me.

I think starting new blogs helped. i’ve done it so many times on WP but the basic templates on blogger made it easy to pick without so many options. im going to try to get help, so that’s why i wrote this post. i am selling books and saving that money to get a car, and i’m hoping i can make a living selling books. it’s honestly my biggest hope for my future. i will share my success and failure growing my business on a different blog – if you subscribe to my Youtube channel you can find my blogs in the About section.

my youtube channel

Thank you guys so much for being on this path with me so far.

2 thoughts on “back to the start

Add yours

  1. I’m sorry you’re going through all of this and I sincerely want you to know that you’re not alone and you’ll be fine. Also I don’t think anyone who offers you help in return for a favour or makes you feel uncomfortable just because they’ve assisted you in one way or the other is worthy to be called a friend; you deserve genuine friendship.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. it’s always nice to hear someone else say it’s going to be okay. I know I also need to try better to be a friend, i think i make it hard for people. I really want to focus on making genuine connections, find more real life friends. Thanks for reading! I might still post here from time to time but my OCD brain.

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