I wanted to share a quick medical update, and let you guys know what to except from your editor, Sammy at The Wood Nymph Journal!
Hey Pretty Gang ❤ if youre new to the blog, thanks for being here. I believe I have the best readers in the world. What im about to say is heavy.
In October, I got cut up in my writing arm. Two deep lacerations, severed a nerve and caused tendon damage. my hand is in a permanent claw, and the lumps on my wrist have worsened. i thought id let the Fear take me. I am in so much pain. I still dont have a proper diagnosis. Only with the help of donations i was able to get an xray ($200 wrist xray), i went to my primary doctor 4 times in November ($30 times four, this does not count December visit when my insurance expired expectantly, and i had to pay $60), i went to the emergency room, those bills sit on the table but at least i have a roof over my head. my partner, who is really my ex, told me he can’t afford to help me. We remain civil, he pays the bills and barely has enough for food. I was the bread earner before this collapse.
my heart was broken before this event. i was struggling with an eating disorder and depression, but i pushed myself at work. i am cut open and i see the grave fate i bestowed on myself. my immune system cant fight this. sometimes im off balance, i can barely make a fist. it took too long, i dont know why this has to happen. I rushed to get new insurance, i spoke to every heath care manager who promised to expedite my appointment. i have been waiting 2 months to get an MRI. i just got the call yesterday from the neurologist when my phone died.
i held the dead phone in my hands holding back tears. When i called 5 minutes later she said i had to call Monday.
I need to focus on the positive – i would not be here without any one who has helped even though asking hurts. im coming up with creative solutions. i don’t like asking for help, this is the first time ive ever done something like this and i might as well be out on a highway, holding a cardboard sign up to cover my face that reads “Help,”
My mind has been my worse enemy, i have to go outside to sit in the grass for an hour or two, or the other day i was in the grass for two and a half hours, my arm bent at the elbow. Something is wrong with my elbow too, where the cut went the deepest.
i am strong. i can make it through this. I will write again, with BOTH my hands! I will be unstoppable. This pain has helped me unlocked a power i didn’t know i had. Ive had to fight multiple times with Fear each time i tell myself, I can’t let Fear win.
The blog is a good way for me to relax and feel like I have a life. It brings me meaning. this month’s theme is wellness and positivity. Poetry has a healing art form. Ill also be sharing a hemp oil review and books on positive psychology and chakras. How are you taking care of yourself this year?
These hospital bills and special tests are expensive, please consider buying my poems as a small donation.
My chapbook “Echos” – https://payhip.com/b/Pi0a
＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ Donate ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊
Follow me on Social Media